Let Me Hear Your Body Talk

How Olivia Newton John’s “Physical” can be harnessed to benefit our society


Much has changed since Olivia Newton John’s “Physical” topped the American Billboard charts in November 1981. The Berlin Wall fell. The United States voted its first Black man into office. People listen to their music via MP3 players instead of cassette tapes. And the words “text message breakup” have entered our lexicon.

Before “Physical” vaulted her to the top of the music charts—a song whose suggestive lyrics got it banned in radio stations in South Africa and Utah—Newton John was the poster girl of sugary-sweet pop music with hits like “I Honestly Love You,” and “You’re the One That I Want.” The song, whose lyrics were not surprisingly penned by men, is quite a sexy ditty—a tawdry, honest, and playfully horny predecessor to Kylie Minogue’s sexy-licious “Can’t Get You Out of My Head.” Newton John’s masterpiece, the most popular song of her career, spent ten weeks at number one on the Billboard Hot 100. In 2008, it was #1 on their Top 50 Sexiest Songs Of All Time, though that’s not saying much since Sir Rod Stewart was #2 with “Tonight’s The Night”—a song that will never send a rush of blood to my loins (the list does not include Minogue’s dance pop classic or even The Mary Jane Girls “All Night Long” since it is based on each song's performance on the Billboard Hot 100 chart).

The song’s accolades reflect the pizzazz and pulsating power that “Physical” can incite for its listeners. From the opening verse, it’s clear what endows the song with such sexual vigor:

I took you to an intimate restaurant
Then to a suggestive movie
There's nothing left to talk about
Unless it's horizontally

The song, of course, would not pack the same oomph if it were sung by a man (see for yourself: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MMmzpBNgFQI) With an organ designed to rise and excitedly point forward to function optimally, men are physically structured to seek sexual encounters. Its what we do, what is expected of us. The song would not carry its power if even a rock goddess, a sexy bad girl, a let-it-fucking-hang woman like Pat Benatar, Joan Jett, or Gloria Trevi growled its lyrics in the rock ‘n roll vein. A lusty attitude would be expected of them. What gives Newton John’s “Physical” its dangerous prowess is the fact that a seemingly well-behaved and sane woman (the second verse starts with the lyrics: I've been patient, I've been good) can have such a penial-inspired attitude towards sex. The song’s bouncy, safe beat and rhythm—which could just as easily double as the intro for a ridiculously-plotted porn or a cheerful corporate training video—further conjures this deceptive surface veneer along with Newton John’s wholesome look. Songwriters Steve Kipner and Terry Shaddick found their perfect songbird in the star of Grease.

Twenty-nine years later, the notion that its normal for good girls to want to “get animal” has been a bit more accepted, thankfully. But it’s still a threatening notion to accept as a reality—for religious groups that continue to believe that sex should only be initiated for procreative purposes; that sex should only be between married people; and for many men who find it difficult to accept that women have the right to be pleasure conquistadors as well.

The song, which was Billboard’s top pop song of 1982, still carries power today. Its lyrics—their directness, the truth they carry—will always make the song timeless, even if its bubbly 80’s pop sound has become dated to our 21st Century ears. “Physical” can and should be harnessed to benefit our society. It’s a wild argument to posit, I know, but in this wacky country, in this strange, supposedly “civilized” world with a way of life that is, to put it lightly, una locura, why not? If our collective ship is going down—as I believe it is (one only needs to see how quickly our glacial shelves are melting to know something is terribly oft-kilter on Planet Earth)—we might as well enjoy our time as fully as we can.

That said, if I were, say, mayor of this fair city by the bay, I would propose two initiatives:

1) That all nightclubs in the 415—regardless of style of music played—play a rendition of “Physical” at least once a night, and
2) That every bar equipped with a jukebox have “Physical” in its musical selection (shit, I’d even advocate that the jukeboxes be re-designed to have a blinking heart-shaped red button or one with stick figures in the 69 position etched on it so that anyone who presses that button will automatically add “Physical” to the queue)

The purpose? Simple: to encourage sex. Copulation. Fucking. Lovemaking.

Imagine yourself at a dive bar like Dalva (which sounds quite a bit like “vulva,” which is probably why I like it!), a salsa club, or a swanky watering hole. Now imagine Olivia Newton John’s “Physical” pulsing between the walls of this establishment, a few libations in your system. Imagine yourself on a date—say, the first or second—and you’ve decided to raise this level of human interaction to the physical realm. Where your lips, your hands, tongues and hips are in a dialogue that is more ancient than language, in a hot contorting mesh of communion. With this song blaring, either one of you barely has to say a thing to initiate an exit and subsequent scurrying to a place to fornicate. Everything you want to say is already there in those lyrics, in those molecules the music fills. All that’s needed is a simple nod toward the exit. Or a bathroom stall if you’re one of those blessed mad fools.

So why target bars and clubs, you ask? Because in general—especially dance clubs—their existence and primary societal function is this: to get people laid. Zappa was spot on when he said that as long as humans are around dance clubs will exist.

This initiative would essentially be like the whipped cream or sumptuous caramel or chocolate syrup topping on a hot fudge sundae. The suggestive song would encourage people to get it on. And isn’t that a social good, given all the scientifically proven benefits of sex such as an improved immune system, less stress, and a more robust heart?: http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2011/02/09/sex-benefits-_n_820526.html#s237024&title=Look_Younger. “Sex is marvelous,” the crooner of love, Mr. “Mercy Mercy Me” once said. So let’s have societal policies that facilitate that sexy-goodness (not that San Francisco needs much encouragement)!